Kevin goes mental
by acidSloth
Summary: Kevin loses it bc blue is a cunt :/
1. Chapter 1

Blue woke with a start. Fucking Kevin singing to his mailbox again.

"You are a fucking retard Kevin, wash your jumper you stinky git!"  
Kevin ran off crying  
"FUCKTARD!" screamed Blue

Kevin had had enough.  
"I'm fed up of being bullied by a dog. I'll make him pay! He'll never bully me again"  
Paprika the condiment came hopping into the room. "Kevin, u ok?"  
Kevin lost it "FUCK YOU PARIKA!" he grabbed her and shook the contents over the floor.  
"Oh my fucking god, Kevin stop! Holy shit that's my brain!"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!" and he flung her across the room and her glass container smashed into pieces.  
He picked up one of the jagged shards.  
"OI, BLUE! COME IN HERE!"  
Blue sauntered into the room, smoking a blunt/  
"fuck you want? Retard"  
Kevin lunged at Blue. He jammed the glass into his eye. "DIE YOU RATCHET CUNT!"  
"HOLY SHIT KEVIN!" screamed the mailbox  
"SHUT IT CUNT, YOU'RE NEXT!"  
Blue flopped to the floor, dead of blood loss.


	2. Chapter 2

Mailbox hopped as fast as he could.  
"OMFG HELP!"  
Mr. Salt fell off the table and smashed.  
"WTF" screamed Mailbox  
Kevin charged through the kitchen door.  
"I'm going to turn you into firewood you little shit. I know you ate my Amazon order you greedy fucking tit sucking hoe!"  
Mailbox started crying "Kevin, calm down mate!"  
Kevin grabbed Mailbox and ran into the garden.  
"Mate, Kevin mate! Come on, leave us be, yeah? I didn't eat no Amazon parcel!"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAILBOX!" Kevin threw open the shed door.  
Mailbox sobbed as Kevin bought a chainsaw out.  
"Goodbye, Mailbox"  
"OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
The chainsaw lashed at Mailbox. Splinters and shredded paper flew everywhere.  
"Don't fucking mess with Kevin"

Back in the Kitchen Mrs. Pepper called 911.  
"Help us! Kevin is on a rampage! He's killed the dog, he's killed my daughter Paprika, and he's killed the mailbox! HELP US!"  
The operator sighed "are you on drugs ma'am?"  
"No I am not – Hello? Hello?"  
A shadow loomed over Mrs. Pepper.  
"I pulled out the telephone cable" whispered Kevin.  
"Please don't hurt me" cried Mrs. Pepper.  
Kevin sighed. Mrs. Pepper shook. Pepper sprinkled out. Kevin sneezed. He looked menacingly at Mrs. Pepper  
"oh shit."


	3. Chapter 3

Kevin reached into his pocket. He produced a tube of super glue.  
"Kevin what are you doing?" squealed Mrs. Pepper.  
Kevin grinned.  
"Lol idk"  
He slowly unscrewed the cap of the glue. Then he grabbed Mrs. Pepper and proceeded to glue her holes one by one.  
Mrs. Pepper screamed. "KEVIN I NEED THOSE TO BREATHE!"  
"Do you need them to scream?"  
Kevin closed the last hole. Mrs. Pepper made no sound.  
"Guess you do"  
Mrs. Pepper watched helplessly as Kevin left her to suffocate.

Orange Kitten and Green Puppy were doing the nasty when they heard Mrs. Pepper's blood curdling scream.  
Mrs. Pepper was usually a delusional whore so they both ignored her and carried on making weird dog/cat hybrids.  
Kevin watched from the corner. It was no secret he had a freaky animal mating fetish. Green Puppy knew he was there. Green Puppy didn't curr. Yolo.  
Orange Kitten was a slut. She visited her 10 boyfriends daily. Kevin hated sluts.  
Kevin would kill her.  
He crept towards them. He lost his balance, fucking shoelaces, and fell into Tickety Tock.  
"Hullo Kevin, what time is it then? Have you learnt to read the time yet you dumb faggot?"  
"Its murder o'clock" and Kevin smashed Tickety Tock t smithereens.  
Orange Kitten licked her vagina, why do cats do that? Why? It's weird just wash it with water stop licking yourself out.  
Kevin grabbed her by the tail and swung her around his head. He let go and she smashed into the wall, her brains leaked onto the carpet.  
Kevin picked up her body and stuffed it inside Sidetable Drawer.  
Green Puppy was nowhere to be seen.  
Kevin walked to the bathroom to clean range Kitten's blood from his hands.  
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCK IS ON YO' HANDS KEVIN? I ain't cleaning that!"  
"You'll do what you're told Slippery Soap"  
"no, yolo"  
"That's right" and Kevin snapped him in two. He dropped each half into the toilet and flushed. "Bye Soap"

Exhausted, Kevin went to bed, plotting tomorrow's murders as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
